so last time i posted i didn't have a job. i got one...which i quickly grew to hate. for oh-so-many reasons, which i don't feel like getting into at this point in time. suffice it to say, the management blows and i hate more coworkers than i love. which is sad considering the unit is painfully understaffed. the peeps i love are awesome...just not awesome enough to keep me there.
and so with a mixture of excitement, trepidation, happiness and sadness, i accepted a travel position. it's in portland, oregon. incentives are huge...and the job literally just kinda fell in my lap (cause my recruiter is AWESOME) and when that happens, well you just gotta take it. you really can't say no. plus i have a friend that just moved out there, so i already have someone to help me move in. ha! seriously tho, i got her, friends in bend, friends in seattle, my cousins in cali....and mountains! i get to see the mountains again! and smell the sweet ocean...and eat fresh sushi...and be in the beautiful outdoors and not freeze my ass off. at least i better not...pretty sure my research stated that portland was warmer than kalamazoo. god i miss it....as grey as seattle was, the scenery that i got to look at on a daily basis more than made up for it.
speaking of things i miss....i'll be leaving my heart in michigan. no, mila will be coming with me (haha). joe will not. well, he's gonna come out and help me get settled and explore the area a bit...but then he will be coming back to michigan. he's not gonna quit his job and attempt to find work and a place to live with the big dogs until i know i'll be happy there. but if things go well.....
and there's where my little brain goes a little crazy. i keep having all these fears that i'm never gonna be happy anywhere...and that i'll never be able to settle down somewhere...and if i can't settle down somewhere then i can't start a family and if i can't start a family soon i may not be able to. i know all my craziness is not exactly encouraging joe to want to spend his life with me either. which goes back to me not being happy. the little gerbil in my head is getting tired of running around on the same circular path.....
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| i'm tired...please can i have a nap? |
this is not to say that joe has not been supportive. just the opposite, in fact. he's been great. he wants me to go and check portland out...says it'll be my scouting mission. i guess you can take the boy out of the marines....anyway. i just hope he's right and that i love it and that we can make a home there....
'cause if i do....perhaps the other thing i've been unnecessarily obsessing about could happen. a celebration of sorts. involving a sparkly and a white dress. well...at least ivory ;)
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